Don't Forget To Grieve

Life moves and changes, sometimes small and sometimes it feels like the whole world ends and maybe it does.

As these changes take place don’t forget to grieve.

Grieving is a very natural, painful, beautiful and valuable process.

Grief keeps the heart soft, sensitive, flexible, loving and you connected ever so deeply to your vulnerable humanness.

A relationship that you thought was forever ends.
The beautiful life purpose that you were so sure of has no relevance anymore.
The impulse of seeking finishes so uncompromisingly.
All your life you could walk for hours on end and now after an accident you rely on a stick just to keep you upright.
Don’t forget to grieve…

A parent dies, both parents die.
A new dear friend on holiday leaves.
An old dream perishes.
A long held behaviour pattern is seen so clearly and collapses.
Don’t forget to grieve…

Your safe, nicely packaged ‘spiritual life’ as you knew it ends abruptly.
A hobby that you loved so much no longer has any interest.
A stage of life is no more as you progress in years.
What was the centre of your world and gave it direction no longer holds true.
Don’t forget to grieve…

Yes, life itself destroyed how it was within its natural momentum of change.

See, it all ends in the end.

Feel the sadness, let it in, feel it fully, completely,
The lump in the throat…
Let the dam break open so the tears can flow as if to fill a river.
Let the lips quiver uncontrollably, the body shake!
It’s OK to sob like a child once again.
Be gentle dear one…
Let the heart break, break open, soft, vulnerable, tender, for grief is love that has no place to go.
Abandon all the rules today that have kept you so neatly together.
Make all the noise you like, snort like a pig!
Don’t hold back, let go of all control now.

Simply, how it was is not how it is now and it will never be the same again.
Don’t push it away and try to get back to normal, for normal doesn’t exist.

We ourselves die over and over again as we live.
The more we live the more we die.

There may be rage, guilt, anger, denial, depression and many other colourful emotions. These are not mistakes but part of the process as we move towards acceptance and integration.

Let these waves rise and pass in the vast ocean of you,
They hold great beauty, depth, insight and healing if you just let them show you.

Don’t make it a practice that is far too rigid and lifeless but when the waves come let them have you with reckless abandon.

Grief has its own rhythm; it knows no time.
Don’t rush to move on to next or think you should be over it by now.

Lose the idea of trying to heal yourself from grief, for grief is healing you!

BUT… however addictive don’t get stuck here either, for grief is but a friendly movement passing through.

Let the waves wash through unhindered for as long as they need to; not a moment less or a moment more and as with a fire let it burn to its embers,
Let the acknowledgement that it is over be complete.
Feel the very bottom for great beauty lies here.
And out of these ashes something new can now enter this once occupied space.

As you start to move again be gentle and curious; look, notice and explore your vast, soft, tender heart.
It may feel different now; new, open, spacious, empty, full, light, overflowing with love, pregnant with possibility and oh so vulnerable in its beauty.
Be kind; move slowly, you are learning to live in a new way…

There may be gratitude and compassion for what was.
There may be gratitude and deep reverence for this process and movement of life.
There may be gratitude and excitement for what has remained and what is here now as we are given another day to live this miracle of life.
There may be new found compassion for others as they move through their own journey.
BUT… don’t make these into destinations or rush towards any ideas of how it should be, for each life is different; just stay open, curious and alive!

For now there is space for new life to rise up and burst through; something new, totally unknown, daunting, edgy, terrifying and so bloody exciting!
BUT… don’t deny grief its day for without it new life can’t be birthed.

David Rees
From Finding Peace In The Very Heart Of Life