What Keeps Us Away From Love?

That which is unexplored and unquestioned…

It keeps us protected,
Safe,
Yet isolated,
Alone,
In pain,
And tucked away from love.

Love for ourselves,
For a significant other,
For everyone,
Anyone,
It is all the same.

The walls of the castle,
The castle of ‘I’,
With a fortress so grand,
And walls so high they disappear far beyond the skyline itself.
It has a slimy green moat with hungry crocodiles in,
And gunners ready to shoot and kill should anyone come too close!

This is my castle,
And the walls of this castle keep love away.

Do not be distracted…
It is not about the person who is approaching the walls,
But the very walls themselves,
For they are what hurt us as we bump up against them,
Keeping us constricted and imprisoned.

So it is the walls that need to be inspected,
Questioned and seen for what they are,
And the chances are they are not what they seem!

They were built a long, long time ago,
And with every passing day seem to get bigger and bigger,
More overwhelming,
More scary!

From a distance they appear to be…
HUGE,
Unscalable,
Impenetrable,
So we dare never approach them.

And when things get too much,
Too serious,
Or someone comes too close we retreat and hide behind them for our safety…

THAT IS… until the pain becomes so unbearable,
We reach a point when no other option seems in any way feasible.

The mis-marriage and outright conflict between the old safety strategy and the want for deep connection and love is felt so deeply that the only choice is to turn to face the walls and so the exploration begins…

Gradually, tentatively we approach the walls, unsure of what we may find,
Gently, kindly,
Step by step,
Stopping and setting up camp periodically along the way to rest,
With each movement closer our curiosity grows.

Some days bracing ourselves ready for a battle,
A fight,
An almighty punch up!
Fired up with the intention of destroying the walls,
The enemy,
THE MONSTER!
The thing that has been causing pain all our life,
And keeping love away.

On some days all you can do is retreat,
Curl up into a ball,
As it all seems too much,
And so totally impossible,
Yet there is something that drives you on,
Oh yes, THE PAIN!
The dissatisfaction,
That is what drives you on.

Perhaps you get encouragement and support along the way from a friend or someone who has explored their own walls and found what lies on the other side.

Feeling brave and courageous,
You move closer,
And then just at the very last minute as you enter the gates and move to its very centre you discover there never was a castle at all!

Instead you find a beautiful, confused and defenceless child,
That always just wanted your loving attention.

All they ever wanted was to be included,
Listened to,
Nurtured,
Held.

You melt,
Fall to your knees,
And weep,
For the child is you!

And so the separation ends,
What remains is love and a beating tender heart.

David Rees

From Finding Peace In The Very Heart Of Life